Are You A Trail Runner?

by Blake Wood, Mary Fuka, Skip Eastman, and Tracey Chmielewski

1.  Which would you prefer to run:
     a.  The Boston Marathon in under 3 hours (-1)
     b.  The Pike's Peak Marathon in under 5 hours (+1)
     c.  The Hardrock Hundred, and you don't care about
         the time (+2)
     d.  A 50k with no T-shirt - it's just a training run (+3)
     e.  It doesn't have a name, you don't have a number, you
         hope you'll be back by next week, but you're not
         particular (+3)

2.  Your condition when you return from your regular run:
     a.  Sweating (-1)
     b.  Bleeding (+1)
     c.  Your blood has thickened from extended exposure
         to altitude (+2)
     d.  Blood?  Like you have any left? (+3)

3.  Running attire:
     a.  You don't need bleach to keep your socks and
         T-shirts white (-1)
     b.  All your running socks are tobacco brown (+1)
     c.  Your children empty your socks and pan for gold (+2)

4.  Conditions on the run:
     a.  You've fallen and scraped your knee on the sidwalk (-1)
     b.  You've gotten dirt in your mouth or up your nose (+1)
     c.  You don't fall.  If you did, you'd be dead (+2)

5.  Distance:
     a.  Three miles a day is enough for anybody (-1)
     b.  You've detoured in a race to top a peak or see
         what's over the next ridge (+1)
     c.  You've detoured to see what's over the next mountain
         range (+2)
     d.  You've crossed three or more county lines during
         one run (+3)

6.  Timing your runs:
     a.  You time your workouts (-1)
     b.  You record your times  (-1)
     c.  You don't.  The extra weight of the calendar is
         a nuisance (+2)

7.  Running vs. work:
     a.  You can get in your run at lunch (-1)
     b.  You have missed a meeting at work because that
         loop was a little longer than you thought (+1)
     c.  You have missed more than a day at work because
         that loop was a little longer than you thought (+2)
     d.  You use your sick time for those mid-week mountain
         runs  (+3)
     e.  You use all your vacation time to travel to trail
         races (+4)

8.  Running through hazards:
     a.  You stubbed your toe once on a curb (-1)
     b.  You have had to pull cactus thorns from your shoe
         or a yucca spine from your shin (+1)
     c.  You don't bother pulling thorns or spines out unless
         they've still got a cactus or bush attached (+2)
     d.  You don't bother to detach the rattlesnake from your
         body unless it's impeding your progress (+3)

9.  How long it takes a pair of shoes to lose that "new" look:
     a.  Two weeks (-1)
     b.  Three days (0)
     c.  One day (+1)
     d.  When you take them out of the store for a test run (+2)
     e.  You can't tell the color of your shoes after the
         test run (+3)

10. Directions:
     a.  You have all four of your routes memorized (-1)
     b.  You carry a topo map (+2)
     c.  Who needs a map - you're prepared to bivouac (+3)
     d.  You can live for a week on the contents of your
         fanny pack (+4)

11. Run duration:
     a.  You rarely run more than 30 minutes (-1)
     b.  You have gotten so lost that someone had to come
         looking for you (+1)
     c.  No one really expects you back until next month (+2)

12. Weather and your favorite run:
     a.  When it's raining, you run on your treadmill (-1)
     b.  There are times you can't do your favorite run because
         of mud or high water (+1)
     c.  There are times you can't do your favorite run because
         of falling rocks, wildfire, avalanche danger, or flash
         flood warnings (+2)
     d.  There are times you go on your favorite run despite
         falling rocks, wildfire, avalanche danger, or flash
         flood warnings (+3)
     e.  There are times you go on your favorite run because of
         falling rocks, wildfire, avalanche danger, or flash
         flood warnings (+4)

13. Peeing on the run:
     a.  You look around for a gas station restroom (-1)
     b.  You can pee anywhere you want on the run (+1)
     c.  You can pee anywhere you want, and in fact must do
         so to mark and defend your territory from other
         trail animals (+2)

Score Yourself:

< 5   A true road runner - may your PRs ever decrease.
5-10  Time to buy a trail pack and head uphill.
11-15 Good potential - keep trying.
16-20 Hardcore trail runner.
21-25 You run with wolves.
26-30 You are a wolf.
 >30   Sasquatch speaks of you with awe.